how to disappear completely by radiohead is playing on the stereo.
it’s raining outside, even though it’s only march.
maa’s smoking a cigarette in the balcony.
i am sad today; it’s not the depression, no.
just sad. ‘an aching melancholy at the pit of my stomach’ sad.
‘she looks so lonely smoking alone, i wish baba were here’ sad.
last night she tucked me in like i was ten again.
i realised later that it was more for her, not so much for me.
i let her scan my face, i know she sees him in me.
on the bad days i wonder if she’s hoping i’ll take my baba-esque face elsewhere
so she’s not caught between loss and longing each time i try to smile at her comfortingly;
i wonder if, even though he’s gone, he’ll really ever leave.
Mehuli Das is an 18 year old from Hyderabad. She’s a prolific writer and literary enthusiast. She takes keen interest in the fine arts, politics and matters of social importance. Mehuli is a fierce believer in the power of written words amongst other creative media in changing the way our world is viewed for the better. When she’s not scribbling away in one of her journals, she can be found baking brownies in the kitchen. You can reach her at email@example.com or find her on instagram@aspeckonthewindshield.